Full Moon
by whitlockjasper
Summary: What happens to Bella when Edward leaves? What if Edward never comes back? Will she feel guilty and play with her best friends feelings? read more...
1. Preface

How could something so wonderful turn into an absolute catastrophe? I now have to face what i have feared for months. _He _thought _I_ wasn't good for _him_. From the very beginning I knew _he _wasn't good for _me._ I guess it's the way we look at things, holding the other accountable for mistakes you've made isn't the best thing to do.

In the forest, when _Edward_ – wince – told me he didn't want me anymore, I realized why. I was never meant for him, since the start, I thought there was no way this stunning creature was for me. As it turned out, I was right. I was still alive as the months passed, but deep down it felt as if he took everything I am with him, when he left.

I have no purpose or motivation to be alive. Instead of someone leaving me, It feels like someone has killed me. Even Charlie; my dad, can see my will to live is gone.

_Edward's _sister Alice, left me without a word with her dearest, Jasper. Last September, my Birthday party at the Cullen's turned into a nightmare when Jasper took a snap at me. Since the party, _Edward _{before he left me} wasn't the same; it was like all his emotions had vanished. I honestly knew something bad was going to happen after that.

The memory I love the most is when _Edward _would sneak into my bedroom through the window ever night while Charlie was fast asleep. He would hum my lullaby, with his lips at the hollow base under my ear. Until I eventually drifted to sleep, in his wintry arms. Whenever I could, I would hug myself closer to his stone cold figure. Even though I love that memory, it's agonizing to think of.

October, November, December, January, four months pass, I finally feel like I have awakened from this nightmare. The days pass like months, and the seconds pass like hours. The distress still sends shivers down my spine, which leaves me trembling. As I lay curled up in a ball in the center of my bed, this feeling of pain terrorizes me consequently.


	2. The Fight

I woke to the hammering rain against the roof of the house. I groaned and rolled over on my side. I'm so grateful it's Saturday; I hated going out in this weather. This climate was typical and expected in Forks, Washington; rarely did the sun ever come out here. I dragged my body out of bed, and grabbed my toiletry bag from the dresser and headed to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and my hair. Then walked slowly downstairs, where Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper, as usual. He glanced up at me when I came down the stairs. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the cereal, the milk, a bowl, and a spoon, and fell into the chair across from Charlie.

"Nice weather we're having." commented Charlie, not looking up from his newspaper. I knew exactly what he was doing; trying to make small talk with his depressed teenage daughter, hoping I would cheer up, not likely.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah Dad, absolutely fantastic." I said with heavy sarcasm, as I scooped the last bit of cereal into my mouth. I chewed quickly, swallowed, then sighed deeply.

He frowned. "Do you need to go to bed, and wake up again?" he wondered jeeringly. A huge smirk grew across my terrified face;

"I will if you do." I assured him icily. The smirk on my face fading into a grimace of sadness, and hopelessness. Charlie, too, grimaced, then his face turned into a mix of anger and disapproval.

"Listen, Bella, I'm sorry the Cullen's are gone and you no longer have a...a boyfriend, but this is getting beyond ridiculous! Everything I say or do you have a harsh or cruel comment for. I am about to send you back to your mother in Jacksonville if you don't stop this now!" Charlie snapped furiously.

Who said this was about the _Cullen's_? I was fuming. That crossed the wrong line. "I don't care the _Cullen's _are gone, Dad!!! Just stay out of my business!" I retorted irate. Why is he doing this to me? I am trying to pull myself together the best I can okay? Why did _Edward _have to leave me? Was I really that repulsive to be with?

"You _are_ my business!" he screeched. Charlie's face traded shades of red and purple. His expression faded into curiosity. "Are they ever coming back?" He asked tranquil. I took a deep breath.

A rush of distress washed over my whole body, I suddenly felt nauseated. I looked down at the table. I inhaled deeply once more. Then looked up to see Charlie's pained expression. "No, no I don't think so." I answered thoughtfully. I tried not to remember _Edward_ in the forest, – the grim look in his eyes, my heart ripping to shreds – but I was unsuccessful.

Charlie looked sympathetic. "You'll get over him, Bells." Charlie said pensively, getting up from his chair to sit on the couch, _before_ he created anymore damage to my heart.

"That's the problem, I don't think I can..." I mumbled truthfully, almost to myself. He was halfway to the couch when his head suddenly snapped up and he stormed over to me.

"What do you mean you can't get over him?! He's just a boy Bella!" his voice was shrill, and it hurt my ears.


	3. Jake

"I don't know." I mumbled diverted. Charlie's frown grew more pronounced. I tried to block him out as he screamed.

"It's only one boy Bella! He hurt you! He left you for no reason! How can you still hang on to him after all he's done to you?! How?!" Charlie scolded, folded his arms across his chest. "Well?" he asked impatiently. My eyebrows scrunched together, in thought.

"I know Dad, but it w-wasn't _his_ fault he didn't want me anymore..." I stammered, trailing off thoughtlessly.

Charlie's expression softened, but I could tell he was still angry, maybe not at me, but definitely at _Edward. _His brow wrinkled. And then he sighed. "Awe sweetheart, I'm sorry, you know I have no clue what to say to you about these kinds of things..." he said sentimentally, as he rubbed my shoulders sympathetically.

"That's what I'm counting on..." I muttered unintelligibly to myself. I didn't want to have this talk anymore. I refused to let that dreadful thought run through my head again, still I was unsuccessful. What I wouldn't give to see _his_ face again. I grabbed my bowl off the kitchen table, and dropped it in the sink, and began to wash the dishes. I turned to Charlie and said "I'm going to see Jake today." I would do _anything_ to get away from Charlie right now... I casually looked up at his expression, and it seemed to lighten.

"That's good, Jake's been _dying_ to see you." he stated enthusiastically. I half-heartedly grinned and returned to my dishes. After I was done, I washed my hands, and headed up to my room. I dressed quickly in a pair of faded denim jeans, and a red, and blue flannel long-sleeved shirt. I ran downstairs. I slipped my feet into my sneakers, and snatched my jacket from the hook, by the door.

"Bye, Dad!" I called already out the door, before he could say anything else to me. I ran off the porch. I stopped almost to the door of my truck, and shouted "Ugh!" into the stormy clouds above me, that were growing darker by the second. I realized I forgot to put my hood up, so my hair was soaking wet and dripping down my back. "Great."i grumbled, as I sat in the driver's seat and put the key in the ignition. The truck roared to life, as I pulled away from the house.

I was about halfway to La Push went the tears started pouring from my eyes, slowly they turned into sobs. I pulled over and sat for a few minutes, until the screaming sobs slowed. When my eyes, were red and sore, I took a deep uneven breath, and drove onward toward Jake's house.

I pulled up out front of the Black's house and sighed heavily. "I can do this." I repeated over and over again to myself. I knew this statement was a lie, I can't do this. I sucked in a gust of air, and heaved myself out of the truck, and slammed the door noisily behind me. I knocked three times on the door; _knock, knock, knock._

Billy; Jake's father answered the door. "Hey Billy, is Jake here?" I asked sort of enthused. I eyed Billy very carefully. He didn't seem to like me much, because I _was _with _Edward, _who he knew, was a vampire, and also the Quileutes _only_ enemy. Instead of looking mad, he looked blissful.

How strange..."Oh, hi Bella! It's nice to see you again! Oh, um Jacob's in his room, Come in, come in!" Billy shouted. I grinned sheepishly. Why was he acting so nice to me now? Oh, well, it's better than getting another lecture. He led me into his house, and out of the rain. I stood In their living room, uncomfortable. Then, Jacob came out of the door north of the house. As soon as he saw me he wrapped his over-sized hands around me, and swept me into a tight hug.

I couldn't breathe. "Um, hi Jake, could you let go? I can't breathe." I said gasping for air. He released me and chuckled.


	4. The Forest

**Thank you to all who reviewed !!! (_why, mia, my moon, jacobfan, lovebug,_ _& snowfire81) i appreciate it !!!_**

"Oh, sorry Bells, I forgot how delicate you are." he said still laughing quietly, a grin grew on his face, showing his bright, sharp, white teeth. I rolled my eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded irritated, as I folded my arms across my chest, and took a step back. It felt so good to see him again, Jake is my best friend, and I loved him like a brother.

"Oh, um nothing, never mind." he stuttered, looking down, the grin faded. "So how have you been Bells?" Jake amended quickly, the blood rushing to his cheeks was very inconspicuous against his russet colored skin. I shrugged.

"I've been better, but I've been looking for something to do..." I answered quietly but desperately. "It's good to see you again Jake, I've missed you." I finished, blushing viciously. A vast grin swelled on his face.

"I've missed you like crazy too, Bells." he sighed. "Do you want to take a walk with me?" Jake asked impatiently. The intensity of his voice prevented me from saying no. Maybe this was a good thing, I needed to talk about something to get _Edward_ off my mind...

"Um, isn't it s-still raining outside?" I questioned suspiciously. He laughed reluctantly, still smiling.

"No, I believe it stopped." he reassured me, looking over my shoulder, and out the window. I sighed.

"Okay," I said grinning widely. "Let's go." I finished blissfully. I truly was ecstatic to be spending time with him, just his smile, makes my whole day. I walked out the door, as Jake reached for his parka off the couch, and followed me out the house.

"Have fun kids!" called Billy anxiously from the front door, as Jake and I headed down a path leading inside the green forest surrounding the Black's house.

Jake stopped halfway into the forest, and turned to look at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry to bring this up, but I _have_ to ask, are the _Cullen's_ really gone for good?" he wondered, his curiosity burning in his words. I winced, took a deep breath, and looked into his beautiful brown eyes, for the strength to tell him the truth.

Tell him the truth, I repeated in my mind. "Y-yes, their g-gone, but I don't k-know if it's for g-good..." I stated, fighting the urge to break down in front of him, I failed relentlessly. Tears flooded my already sore eyes, and streamed down my miserable face. "I loved him." I wailed into his tremendously warm chest. The sobs began to shake my entire body. In response, Jake wrapped his gigantic arms around me, and sighed heavily onto my hair.

"Shh. Bella, it's going to be alright, I'm here for you.." he crooned me softly, petting my hair with his hand. That _is_ true, but it's _never_ going to be alright, he left me for nothing, he ruined me for nothing. I can't let go of him, no matter how many times he hurts me, I can't let go...

"Do I deserve this?" I asked Jake, troubled. I sniffed. He frowned, letting me go, holding only onto my shoulders.

He looked directly into my puffy eyes. "That's exactly it Bells, you did nothing to deserve this..." Jake assured me, careful not to upset me. I sighed and looked down. A few silent moments passed, then I looked back up at his pained eyes. His expression changed into hesitation, then suddenly, his mouth crushed viciously against mine.


	5. The Kiss

I was astonished and alarmed. What was he doing? I couldn't fight his strong, soft, warm lips, as they violently crushed onto mine, so I kissed back. I knew I was going to regret this later. As Jacob's hot hands caressed my cold cheeks, my shaking arms wound around his long neck. And suddenly, I was aggressively pulling myself closer to him.

When he released my lips, he moved down to my neck. He kissed the hollow base at my throat, and under my ear. Jake's arms moved cautiously down to my waist. I gasped for air, and pulled his face back to mine, and squeezed my lips forcibly onto his. What the hell was I doing? I pulled away from him quickly and stumbled backward. I was the first to speak.

"What the _hell_ was that?" I asked still gasping for air. He laughed, ashamed. Then, his face turned serious, and regretful.

"I – I don't know." he replied blushing ever so slightly. What have _I_ done?! I have to get away from here _NOW_!!!

"I have to go Jacob." I said confused, and angry at myself. I didn't give him a chance to say anything more, I turned back swiftly and stormed off toward the trail.

I stomped off to my truck. UGH! That jerk! Why did he kiss me?! More importantly; why did I kiss back?! Tears exploded from my bloodshot eyes, as I made my way into my truck. I got in, slammed the door shut with as much energy as I had, and sped rapidly down the road ahead of me. I decided to drive to _our _meadow.

I fell to the ground as the rain began to accelerate. I drifted backward onto the muddy-wet grass, and cried for what seemed like hours.

"Why do you hate me so much?!" I screamed in agonizing pain toward the sky, as my tears turned into sobs once more. "I'm sorry!!!" I shouted into the gray clouds above me.

When night began to fall, I crawled helplessly back to my truck. I sat down on the truck's seat, and smashed my head against the steering wheel until I became dizzy.

I didn't care what I looked like. I drove home screaming at _him_, and of course, myself.

I pulled up in front of the house, and stormed furiously through the door.

"Bells?" Charlie asked anxiously, as he lounged on the couch, watching the baseball game on the flat screen.

"Yeah." I mumbled, sniffing a little. He heard the tone in my voice and jumped off the couch.

"Oh my God!" He wailed. "What happened to you?!" He continued worriedly, gently touching my bruised, and bloody face. I winced at his touch. I sighed sharply.

"Nothing, I'm going to bed. Night." I said quietly. I was in a rush to be alone. He stared at me with wide eyes as I hurried up the stairs, two at a time.

"Did Jacob do this to you?" he called frantically, as he moved to stand at the foot of the stairs.

"He didn't hurt me, but he kissed me." i said, as tears poured from my eyes. I ran even faster up the stairs.


	6. Pain

As soon as I was up the stairs and out of Charlie's sight, I darted for my room, slamming the door behind me. I fell helplessly onto my bed and began to break down.

I heard knocking on my door. "Bells, are you alright? You know, there is nothing wrong with Jake kissing you." he said matter-of-factly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I leaped off my bed and flew to my door. As I opened the door, I saw Charlie's face change when he seen my incredulous expression. "Your serious?!" I fumed, irate. He placed a hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off.

"He's just a kid Bella, give him a break." Charlie regretted the words, once they were said.

I was so infuriated that I had to take three deep breaths to calm myself before I could speak again. "Give _him_ a break?! What about me Dad?! I've lost the love of my existence, and _you_ expect _me_ to give _him_ a break?!"I screamed in his face, at the top of my lungs.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you this Bella? He left you, there is no reason to hang onto him any longer." Charlie whispered calmly.

Why doesn't he understand? "I have to hang onto him Dad, he's all i have left." I too whispered, not so angry anymore. I looked down, waiting for him to explode. Instead he pulled me in for an unexpected hug.

"No," he whispered in my ear, softly. "You have me." Charlie finished sympathetically. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed deeply.

"I have to go take a shower, thanks, Dad." I said pulling away, and grabbing my toiletry bag.

He let go automatically. "Okay, come talk to me whenever you want to Bells." Charlie said walking out the door, and downstairs.

"That is the very last thing I want to do." I murmured to myself, smiling.

I then, bounded off toward the bathroom. I took a long, and hot shower, to calm myself down. I stumbled out of the bathtub, and wrapped myself securely in a towel. I clawed at the face in the mirror. All I could see were cuts, gashes, bruises, and an unfamiliar girl staring blankly back at me.

Who was this girl? She looked like hell. It can't be me...she looks so – so dead...so empty.

What would Edward think of my stupid, and reckless behavior? Nothing, he left me, and he's never coming back.

I ripped the towel off my now trembling body, and it fell to the floor. I yanked a brush through my hair, and got dressed swiftly. I brushed my teeth until they bled. I stumbled into my room, gently shutting the door behind me.

I rushed to my window and threw it open, and leaned out into the night.


	7. Disbelief

I seemed to be expecting something from the dark, and icy night. What I was expecting, I didn't know. I inhaled the magnificent woodsy smell coming from the trees in front of my house, as I closed my eyes. I felt the scattered rain drops falling onto my face, as I inhaled once more. I reopened my eyes, and pulled back to shut the window. I tumbled into my bed and fell fast asleep.

I woke to the sun shining through the window in front of my bed. I threw my fists over my eyes, and rolled over and yawned. I dragged my empty body out of bed and into the bathroom.

Charlie already left for work, by the time I trudged downstairs for breakfast.

I hurried through breakfast and headed to school.

When I pulled up in front of building six, I looked around. My eyes fell upon the spot where a shiny Volvo used to park, I quickly looked away.

I hopped out of the truck, and started to walk inside, when I felt the eyes burning into the back of my head. I finally made it to English, after every human body stopped to stare at me.

"Hey Jess." I whispered as I took a seat next to Jessica. I haven't talk to her since Edward left me.

She looked up at me incredulously. "What your talking to me now?" she snapped, still staring incredulously at me.

I stared at her in disbelief. "What do you mean? I've always talked to you." I replied, not believing what I was hearing.

"Not since the Cullen's left. What? Did he break up with you? Or leave you for someone else?" she retorted, smirking, obviously angry.

Mr. Varner was still teaching when I got up and stormed out of the room. I rushed out of the building _before_ the tears started running down my cheeks.

As I ran to my car, I tripped over a crack in the pavement and landed face first into the rough, and rocky ground.


	8. Carlisle

The pavement scratched my face, and my hands. I lay there sobbing helplessly for hours on end. I realized when school let out because kids started piling out of the building to stare at my half-crazed frozen body on the ground.

"Bella?!" screamed a familiar voice, I recognized as Mike's. Uh! Just leave me alone Mike!

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shrieked, angrily in response.

I finally opened my tear-soaked eyes to see Jessica, Tyler, Angela, Lauren, and Mike standing over my seemingly dead body, with horror struck eyes.

"I'll take her to the hospital!" cried Mike lifting my body up off the wet ground. He supported all of my weight as he dragged me toward his car.

Mike gently set me in the passenger seat of the car, and he climbed into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind him.

The noise made me head spin wildly. I felt as if I was about to pass out. Unfortunately, I did. The last thing I remember was Mike pulling up in front of the hospital, and shouting my name as everything went black.

I woke to a machine beeping loudly on the right side of my head. My eyes fluttered open to find Charlie and a doctor standing at the foot of the bed.

Both of them recognized my consciousness and the doctor moved to my side, to check the loudly beeping monitor.

"How do you feel?" asked the doctor, with a peculiar look on his face.

I swallowed. "Okay... What happened?" I wondered groggily, staring at the middle-aged doctor --- the man reminded me an awfully lot of Carlisle --- confused.

Charlie answered; "You were lying in the middle of the parking lot at school." he replied looking upset, but worried.

"What made you do that?" Charlie asked sounding half-strangled.


	9. Therapy

"I don't remember anything." I stammered idiotically. I knew exactly what happened; Jessica asked if Edward had left me for someone else...

"YES! YES HE DID!!!" I randomly shouted. Both of them stared at me like I was insane.

"What?" Charlie asked appalled, and nervous.

"He Left Me! It's his damn fault!" I screamed infuriated. I began to cry. I screamed and thrusted against the doctor's hands that restrained me to the bed. I then glanced over at my dad and the horrified look on his face; it seemed like he couldn't describe what he was feeling.

An hour later – after my tantrum was over – the doctor asked how I was feeling after an hour of screaming my lungs out. I lied; "I'm fine." I faked a smile.

He talked to my dad not quietly so I could hear the whole conversation;

"Do you have any idea what is making her do this?" He asked my dad, truly curious and worried. Charlie thought for a moment.

"Their _was _a boy. She was – well I'm pretty sure – in love with him, and one day, he just up and left her." Charlie replied, throwing his face in his hands, shaking his head.

The doctor frowned. "She has done all this because one boy left her?" He asked, sounding appalled.

"That's the only reason I can think of, as to why shes doing this to herself." Charlie responded, lifting his head out of his hands, frowning.

"That's very unusual that usually never happens, at least a person doesn't become hospitalized after someone leaves them..." He stated looking over at me speculatively.

"Do you think she needs therapy?" Charlie asked, gulping first.


	10. Vulnerable

What?! Therapy?! No!!! I'll be good, I promise! I screamed in my head.

"No, not right now at least, give her a few weeks. After a couple of weeks, if she is still making outbursts, then yes, take her to therapy. Only if she needs it though." the doctor said in a grave tone.

Charlie sighed an uneven anxious sigh. "Alright. Is it safe to take her home now?" he asked the doctor, hopefully.

The doctor checked the monitor one last time. "Yes, but feel free to come back if she passes out again." replied the doctor with a wary smile.

Charlie sighed once more. "Okay, thanks." Charlie said, turning to me.

He gazed briefly at my horrified expression, then looked down at the ground. "C'mon kiddo, lets go home." Charlie said, sounding exasperated.

I grabbed the end of the bed, and began to pull myself up. Charlie's arm wrapped around my waist to steady me. I swung my legs around the side of the bed, and dropped onto the floor.

My dizziness slowly, but surely began to fade away, and I was feeling better by the second.

God, I'm a mess. I thought, ashamed. I glanced over at Charlie who looked disappointed, and also ashamed. My face fell.

"I'm sorry dad." I said as we walked through the hospital doors, and into the parking lot. I was mad at myself for putting him through this every time we turn around.

Charlie sighed. "It's alright sweetie, though I don't understand _why _you are acting like this...You used to be so good with separation; like your mom and I. And now your so...so – _vulnerable._" He said shaking his head, as if to shake a horrid memory from his head. Then he smiled. "Its gonna be okay, all you have to do is let go of his memory and _eventually_, you will move on." He gently patted my shoulder.

He's absolutely right. _All_ I have to do is forget about him and his memories. Think of a happy memory when I start to think of him. I smiled at that thought. Next to me, Charlie too grinned.

"See I told you." Charlie replied quietly. Yes, he _is_ right. He helped me into his cruiser, and joined me onother side.

We drove home in silence. As soon as I walked in the door, I called Jake.

He answered on the first ring. "Hello?" asked a husky voice.

I grinned. "Hi, Jake, I'm sorry about what happened last week..." I pleaded with him to forgive me.


End file.
